Dear Colin
by eskimoRock
Summary: Dennis finds his brother's camera, and proceeds to document his life after the final battle through photographs, keeping his big brother close the only way he knows how.
1. Chapter 1

_Dear Colin- Dennis finds his brother's old camera, and proceeds to document his life after the final battle through photographs, keeping his big brother close the only way he knows how._

Dear Colin.

Before I tell you about the photo, I should probably explain what happened that night. You know your side of things, of course, and you know how your night ended, but I don't think you understand how it felt for me. You can't have done. Because no matter how close we are, or were, you were out there fighting a battle and I was forced to sit waiting for a brother that was never going to arrive.

I still remember every single detail. How you sat me down and offered to help me with my Charms homework, and we'd barely begun when McGonagall came bursting into the Common Room, claiming that You-Know-Who was close and we all had to go to the Great Hall. I was so scared, Colin, you know I was. We had been granted special permission to go to the school in the first place, because we showed "promise" and they needed victims to illustrate to the others just how inferior the Muggleborns were. Imagine what You-Know-Who would do to us when he found us? We were in greater danger than most at that moment, and you knew it as well as I did. That's why you shocked me when you turned to me in the Room of Requirement, at the back of the queue for evacuation, and told me you wanted to go and fight. What possible chance would you stand? As a Muggleborn, you had a target placed upon your head just as surely as Harry Potter did.

Ginny Weasley backed you up, bitter that she could not join the fight herself. I refused to leave without you, and you told me to go to the Gryffindor Common Room, because it was safe there, the Death Eaters couldn't enter, and the Fat Lady would protect me. I agreed. I promised that I wouldn't leave the room without you. You didn't realise that they might send fighters up to the towers, but it was okay. When I heard footsteps along the corridor, and the sound of McGonagall's voice, I hid in my dormitory, right in the corner where I could see out of the window, but ready to hide if I needed to. None of the fighters came into the room, obviously seeking out the ones higher up with the better viewpoints. It gave me a good chance to listen and find out what was happening without having to worry about Death Eaters finding me.

After what felt like an eternity, You-Know-Who's voice rang out across the grounds, and his followers retreated. The fighters stationed in the tower left, keen to see what was happening down on the lower floors now that their job was done, but I was frozen in place. I'd seen people battling out on the grounds, Colin, people killing and dying, but I didn't see anybody that looked anything like you. That relieved me. I thought you were safe. Even if you were injured, they had an hour to fix you up before the fighting started again, and you'd be good as new. Maybe you were fighting alongside Harry Potter himself! I knew how much that in particular would mean to you.

I moved back down into the Common Room, knowing that when you came to fetch me, you would expect me to be there waiting. When you didn't come, I wasn't disheartened- you were probably looking after your friends, making sure they were okay.

I've been told it was only an hour later that You-Know-Who spoke again, but it felt like much more. When he said that he had killed Harry Potter, the Great Harry Potter himself, I ran to the window again, desperate to find out if it was true. When it was confirmed, I cried. I'm not ashamed to admit it, either. You'd spent six years explaining to me how Harry was the hero, how he had saved us once and he would do it again. I believed you. If he was dead, there wasn't much chance for either of us, Colin.

I couldn't watch any more, so I just sat and waited. If we lost, then I would surely hear about it. If we won…it was seeming more unlikely by the moment. I sat for hours and hours waiting for a sign either way, too scared to look out of the window in case I saw something else that I wished I hadn't. Desperate for a distraction, I ran up to your dormitory and snatched the camera off your bed. It comforted me slightly, because it was something of yours. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I head voices outside the Common Room once again. Standing up and clutching my wand tightly in front of me, I was shocked when three Ravenclaw seventh years entered, two boys and a girl. They didn't seem to recognize me, and while I knew their faces I couldn't confirm who they were.

"Professor McGonagall asked us to come up and check there wasn't anybody left in the Common Rooms. It's safe to go down to the Great Hall now." the girl smiled reassuringly at me, and my heart leaped as I ran through corridors and down stairs to reach you, camera clutched tightly in hand. We had won! How could we possibly have won? It must have taken a miracle! I was so happy that I didn't really notice the state of the castle itself, and it was only when I reached the entrance hall that I faltered. If it was so bad here, what would it be like in the hall itself? Taking a deep breath, I pushed open the doors.

The hall turned as one to see who had entered, and to me, it seemed to go completely silent. Professor Sprout burst into tears. Flitwick looked like he was about to do the same.

A hand on my shoulder startled me, and I looked to the side to see Luna Lovegood staring down at me. She had been a good friend of yours, I know. While the others had ridiculed you and called you weird, she had always been kind. Carefully, deliberately, she took my hand and led me across the hall, through staring faces and families huddled together, towards the back of the hall.

I thought how strange it was that you hadn't ran at me yet, hugged me and reassured me that you were safe. That everything was okay.

When Luna finally reached the back of the hall, I realised that you never would.

So that's how I came to find out, Colin. It was only later that I realised I had broken my promise to you. The last thing you ever said to me.

I'm sorry.

Looking down, tears filling my eyes, I realised that I was still clutching your camera, and an idea came to me in that moment. You lived your life through your photography, and so I would keep the spirit of you living through mine. It seemed like a brilliant idea. You were gone, nothing could bring you back. I felt like my heart was about to split into tiny pieces, but if I could seal a tiny piece of my grief away in each picture I took for you, it might be a little easier to bear. I would document my life through the photographs, everything you missed.

So here's the first photograph, Colin. I knew that I had to document the day somehow, it was without a doubt the most important of my life. The last day of yours. It may sound strange, but I turned around, crossed the hall, and took a single picture, of Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley. They didn't mind. I could tell that they pitied me, the boy without a brother. Ginny hugged me tightly and told me that she was sorry, and that my brother would always be a friend of hers.

You idolised Harry Potter, he was the symbol of everything we hoped and dreamed for. He was our chance for a future. He had lived when you had not, but I was not bitter, because you would always have preferred it that way. As you once said, he made a difference and you did not. I never agreed, you know. His arm is around Ginny, and that was important. Harry, your idol, and Ginny, your first true friend at Hogwarts, connected by both love and loss.

Happiness, sadness, hope, despair, loss, love and friendship, all sealed into one photograph.

Colin, you should have seen it.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Colin.

Today may not have been the worst day of my life, but it came a close second. You may not want me to take a picture to commemorate today, in case it upsets me or I end up brooding over it, but it was important that I took it anyway, for my own sake.

Today was the funeral, Colin.

The whole thing wasn't at all like I'd imagined it would be. What with so many funerals to plan, including those of the people being found all around the country thanks to death eaters giving evidence, everything has been a bit rushed, and nobody really got what they wanted. They started with a memorial ceremony, seven days after the battle, because it was supposedly a symbolic number. I don't see how, myself, but Harry Potter seemed to think it was important so everyone humoured him. When you're the saviour of the world, I imagine perks like that come around a lot.

After the memorial service, which was hard enough, they started with a funeral a day. I was going to take the picture at the memorial, but I figured that since they're holding one a year...that can wait. You only get to say goodbye to your big brother once.

So that's what I did, Colin. I made sure that they played your favourite song, and they buried your very first camera with you so that you'd be able to take lots of pictures wherever it is you go. They actually wanted to take the camera I hold in my hands right now, but I hope you understand why I refused to let them have it. It means too much to me now to just bury it in the ground. They were already taking the most important thing in my life, there was no way they were having anything else.

Dad cried, and so did the few family members that were in on the secret. The rest were just told that there was a massive explosion at the school, and you died trying to get people out. In the story, they never found the body, so they couldn't hold the funeral. Very thorough, these wizards. Both times you got to die heroically, Colin, not many people can say that.

I was asked if I wanted to do a reading, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to do that. You know I'm good with putting words on paper, but I can't get them out in the right way. I didn't want to mess it up, so I came up with a better idea. I managed to go out and buy one of those muggle projectors, you know the ones with the little switch and then you can project onto anything? That meant they couldn't hold it at Hogwarts, but I'm sure you wouldn't mind- Ginny offered to hold it by her house instead, and it was much more personal.

Anyway, I managed to find the very first photos you took, on your seventh birthday, and I projected them so that everyone could see. I think that meant more to me than any speech I could write, showing them photos of you and me, proving how you had always loved me, and you always would.

Demelza came up to me after the service, the one from the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Her cousin, a Hufflepuff seventh year, died too. I don't know if you knew her or not. But Demelza hugged me, and she said that she was around if I ever needed somebody to talk to. I might just take her up on her offer one of these days, she was very kind.

I need somebody to talk to, Colin, and she'll listen. I talk to you, but you can't reply.

I took my picture, anyway. You may think its really strange, just a picture of rain dripping down the side of the tent. You see, just as the service finished, literally that second, the heavens opened and it began to pour with rain. Dad started crying, because apparently it happened the second you were born too. And when mum died. Luna Lovegood just tilted her head to the side, and said it meant that you'd made it, in that dreamy voice she uses. It sent chills down my spine.

So Colin, here's your picture of the rain. And I promise you, I won't be using an umbrella anymore.

People must have thought I'd lost it completely when walked straight outside, took off my dress coat and let myself get soaked, and frankly, so did I. Then, Ginny Weasley stood up, Demelza, Luna, Dad, Harry, all the boys from your old dorm...

One hundred people, standing out in the rain, laughing, crying, kissing, dancing together.

You should have seen it, Colin.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Colin.

I don't know what to do anymore. I see you everywhere.

They sent us all home for the summer early, because there's not really a Hogwarts left to go to, what with half the castle destroyed and the fact that they don't have anywhere near enough teachers to get by. Somehow, they have to fill three teaching positions, get the school back to pre-Death Eater normal and rebuild. Figuratively and literally.

Any other year I would have thought that was great, but not this year. I need distractions, and I'm not going to get those trapped inside four walls, listening to Dad's sobbing. I can't even use magic to make it quieter, or go outside away from the noise. It still goes on inside my head.

Everything reminds me of you. Your bedroom is how you left it last summer, down to the moving and non moving photos on the walls, the old football scarves pinned over the door. Your muggle things are littered all over the house- mugs in cupboards, things that were never important enough to justify you taking them to Hogwarts, like old baby photos.

It's funny how the things you didn't think were important have suddenly become the most important possessions I own. I had to take the photos down, though.

Sometimes I think I'm okay, and then I see other things that remind me of you, and it all comes flooding back. I know I'm not supposed to cry, but I do anyway. At the littlest things.

I don't really know where this whole letter writing thing is going to go, Colin, it's not like you'll ever get them. I don't think Royal Mail can deliver them, even if I sent them special delivery and with a hundred stamps like one of your friends did that time. Apparently it's quite common for wizards to make that mistake, imagine that?

For the moment, the letters are helping me. I feel more connected to you. That might change. This could start tearing me apart from the inside and making me even worse than I already am, if that's possible. My therapy could hurt me in horrible ways.

Anyway, to the photo. This time, it's nothing special. It doesn't have a deep hidden meaning, it won't win any awards. It's just a picture of some letters, Colin. Two years of letters from when you were at Hogwarts, and I sat in this very room hoping and praying that I could be like my big brother. You made me feel better, and you painted this whole magical other world for me. You helped me.

So I guess that's why the photo is important. In the same way that letters helped me then, they're helping me now.

I think there's some sort of poetic irony there.


End file.
